Babe.

Apparently this guy:

Is a giant babe if you happen to be a 45 year old Italian (?) lady living alone in London.
Let's face it, he's pretty babe-in no matter who you are. But it is pretty creepy when, while being shown round a flat by lady mentioned above, she opens the hall cupboard to reveal the back of the door covered with pictures of Matt Dillon.
"This is a cupboard, lots of storage, oh and that's my Matt Dillon."

Ummmmmmm.

Immediately after this she took me to the kitchen where she had left a pot boiling on the stove and THE ELEMENT NEXT TO IT ON BUT NOT LIT. She had opened the window BECAUSE OF THE SMELL OF GAS but did not realise she was about to cause a fireball. I guess that's what would happen right? I dunno. Either way I should've got out of there at the first glimpse of Matt.

This is the only good flat hunting story I have this week. Although last night I went looking for a place that possibly never existed. That was fun. And cold. It is possible I have a flat... but I'm not getting excited about it until I have a key because last time this happened it did not end well.
Will tell you more about it if it becomes reality.

PLUS immediately after I decided to put down a giant holding deposit that I will not get back unless the landlord rejects me, I got 2 emails about way more perfect flats. Ugh.
OH WELL WE WILL SEE.

This week at work has gone so freaking slowly, but I am making friends in the office! I went to see Harry Potter and then out for dinner with my new buddies and it was ok/not too awkward even! We bitched about work a bit and that's always fun!

It's also starting to get very extremely cold and there may even be SNOW in the weekend! SNOW! The only problem is I have no appropriate clothing/I forgot my warm warm snow proof ski jacket. It wouldn't fit in my bag and I was going to carry it but then I forgot! My mum is sending it to me but it has not yet arrived.
My work pants are much to thin and yesterday my legs totally froze in the coldness... I think I had a shower before they had a chance to thaw and maybe burnt myself because they had no feeling? Or something? I dunno. But it is not good.

THIS IS A REAL BORING BLOG POST BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS MOSTLY MUSH BUT MAYBE I WILL DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

Ok bye.

Office Interaction.

So apparently I am some kinda stand up comedian or something in London. The people I work with find everything I say to be hilarious. Well ok, not everything, but the amount they laugh at my comments seriously exceeds their funny-ness.

Co-worker: "So, do you like it here?"
Me: "Ummm, it's alright. I mean, I don't hate it if that helps?"
Entire office: *Raucous laughter*

A customer misheard my name on the phone then addressed an email to me as "Grin". It has become a running joke to refer to me as Grin. I really need to stop mumbling my name.
Me: "Oh you know, it matches my personality. Goes with the giant grin I constantly have on my face."
Entire office: *Raucous laughter*
Boss: "It's really good that you can laugh at yourself. Beat everyone else to it.

Uhhh, thanks.

Also today I was opening the mail and I totally ripped someone's cheque in half. WAY TO APPEAR COMPETENT.

Well I'm still flat hunting and it's super depressing.
It's like constantly being interviewed for a job, except you don't know what the job is so you have no idea what the right answers are to the questions. And sometimes there are 10 other people in the interview with you and they all seem to know what the job actually is.
And then sometimes you think the interview went real well but they decide to give the job to a friend of a friend anyway. Or they just never contact you again.
Alternatively the bosses are all creepy foreign men in dark dingy buildings in the middle of nowhere/the ghetto who you wouldn't want to work for anyway.
The other day I actually thought I might get murdered so I texted Jenny to tell the police where I went if I disappeared. NO JOKE.

I have like 5 more places to look at over the weekend so FINGERS CROSSED.

Then maybe I will have things to blog about other than constant rejection!

This post needs some kind of video probably:

Retaliation.

I hate it when I write words and Google Chrome tells me they are spelt right but my mind says they look wrong. Incidentally Google Chrome thinks Google is spelt wrong.

So the other day. Aka like a week ago. I Skyped Wilson street and they posted 5 million photos of me, bed head/twilight t shirt/double chin and all, on their blog. THANKS GUYS.

MY TURN:

Whenever Jenny Skypes me she mostly just enjoys making faces at the camera and looking at herself. Don't get me wrong, I find this amusing also, but sometimes I wonder why she doesn't just go stand in front of a mirror for an hour.
Roxanne did not want to look at me at all. Maybe she hates me now? Maybe she has forgotten who I am???

Sigh.

As I mentioned before, I am currently flat hunting. Today I got my second "Do some weird moneygram transfer thing and then I'll let you look at my house" email. I can't figure out exactly how they are trying to scam me as I have no idea what a moneygram is and they aren't asking for my bank acc details BUT I am pretty certain it's a scam. Maybe they just want to murder me?
Flat hunting in this town is fucking hard. Firstly rent is super expensive, and then every room you look at there are like 20 other people who got there first. Sometimes you just show up to a viewing and find everyone there at the same time so then you barely have a chance to talk to the people you are trying to make want to live with you and when you do you have to compete with people who actually have personalities. I mean, I'm not super impressive at making first impressions. I TAKE A WHILE TO WARM UP. But I'm even worse in group situations so PRETTY MUCH FUCKED.

Maybe it's like that in NZ too, if you're just tryna find a room in an established flat. I wouldn't know.

I looked at a place tonight which was pretty sweet. Cheap, close to a Tube that will take me right to work and good flatmates by the sounds of things. I won't get it though. I'm probably gonna end up sharing with the 2 Taiwanese students up the road and paying fuck loads for the pleasure.

Also, the washing machine at my cousins flat is broken and I am running out of socks.

Was that better Lucy?

Flat hunting.

Hello Dear,

Thanks for wanting to view my flat.I Need to know some few questions about you.How many months do you intend to rent and pay
for?Can i have your mobile number?It is unfortunate that my past bitter experience of inviting people to come and view my flat without any form of confirmation of their financial ability and not keeping up to time as at when scheduled has brought about great loss to me.Henceforth my lawyer and i have decided to carry out a simple test on financial ability to pay for my rent before coming for viewing.Bank statements and pay slip are not accepted from individuals,but if you are able to transfer money to your friend or partner's
custody,which my lawyer would make  confirmation if truly you have transferred the money to your friend or partner's custody,then we can arrange viewing and we can proceed.After confirmation has been made you can ask your friend or partner to pick up the money.I will refund the cost of transfer on the spot of viewing.At least a month rent and security deposit would be required from you to transfer to your friend's custody,which will shows how reliable your finance is to rent a flat.You can make the transfer to your close friend,through western union money transfer,once you have done this,you can scan the receipt to me, if  you have no scanner call me immediately  to notify me of the done transfer,as i send it to my lawyer to verify,after verification,then you can pick up your money back as we proceed to view and also refund back to you the cost of transfer..You can reach me on my mobile phone.07035904602.Get back to me to explain how to make a money transfer in case you don't know how to do it.

Regards
Hooper Jane




NO THANKS CRAZY LADY.

The Kids Are All Right.

Yesterday I walked home from work. I didn't actually mean to, I was going to watch a movie and I was killing time before it started, I thought I'd figure out where the next bus stop was so I didn't end up wandering around aimlessly late at night but then I just kept walking. I'm pretty proud of myself that I managed to not get lost/break my ankle on a cobblestone.
I was trying to remember when it starts to get dark in winter at home, because it was like 5 o'clock and it was dark already. It felt kind of surreal because there were so many people on the street and shops were still open and traffic was everywhere but my brain was telling me it should be like 9pm.
I find it really annoying how there seem to be no rules about which side of the footpath to walk on in this town. Like there are lots of other taboos you must not break, just try standing on the left instead of the right on an escalator in a tube station and see how long it takes before someone yells at you, but when it comes to footpath walking absolutely anything goes. I try to stick to the left. It makes sense. Drive on the left, walk on the left. But I just wind up in an endless game of chicken.

Anyway. I did got to a movie, it had Julianne Moore and Annette Bening in it. They were lesbians and the chick from Alice in Wonderland and the kid from Bridge to Terabithia played their sperm donored kids. Mark Ruffalo was Mr Sperm. It was ok but predictable and it annoyed me a little bit. I won't tell you why in case you have a burning desire to see it.

The best part was that I saw this trailer:



It has everything. Eruptions, mystery, Finland, weird looking kids, a giant hole, guns AND Santa Clause.

I have been here for over a week now and I can't decide if the time has gone fast or slow. I'm just holding out for my first pay day because maybe then I can start looking for a flat and actually feel like I live here and not that I'm just on some shitty holiday where I have to go to work and don't get to do anything fun.

You should all skype me probably. Because I would like that. I'll even take a snapshot of you and put it on the blog! ALL ABOUT INCENTIVES.